I wholeheartedly believe the mind is a person's strongest asset.
And I am not talking about the score of your IQ, EQ, or whatever Q is used to measure how "smart" you are.
I'm talking about your mindset.
Manila, mindset, and fear
The other day, I walked the streets of Manila alone - at night.
Something literally every local told me not to do.
From the moment I arrived in the Philippines, taxi and tricycle (tuk-tuk) drivers warned me.
“Don’t walk the streets of Manila alone at night. It’s dangerous.”
Especially for a woman.
But go figure, I did it anyway. Not to prove a point - just because it seemed such a short walking distance to me.
From the restaurant I was at, to the bakery - yes, I was craving a pastry - it was a 9-minute walk, and then 11 minutes back to my hostel.
At first, I was absolutely fine.
Then a little girl came up to me, asking for food and trying to hug me. Every time I stepped away, she stepped forward, trying to hug me, again and again, until we were almost in the middle of the street. Behind her, a group of kids watching from the sidewalk.
When all of this was going on, I instantly remembered one of the drivers in Manila telling me that the kids around here always go up to tourists and cars to ask for food, so that they can steal their wallet and run off.
As I was leaving the bakery - without a pastry, unfortunately - someone rummaging through the trash startled me.
And then, when I turned the corner, I saw a father and his two kids washing themselves with water from a hotel wall. That’s when it hit me how much poverty surrounds this city.
Suddenly, I wasn’t in control of my thoughts anymore.
I felt anxious and kept on looking over my shoulder.
The influence on your mind
During the walk back to the hostel, I wondered:
Would I have felt this way if no one had warned me?
If I hadn't had these conversations with taxi drivers?
Probably not.
If no one planted that fear, I think I would’ve walked home, unfazed.
I might’ve flinched at the noise, sure - but I wouldn’t have feared it.
And I believe that’s the power of mindset.
Fear shaped how I experienced the world around me.
For example, my mom always told me to walk with confidence.
Insecurity can make a person an easy target, because your behavior aligns with your thoughts - and she can speak from experience.
But on that walk? I know I didn’t look confident.
I looked unsure. Vulnerable. And I felt it too.
If I were to change my mindset from fearful to confident, I would radiate that confidence like my mom told me to, instead of portraying myself as an easy target.
I control my mind. Not the other way around - even when fear comes knocking on the door.
And when I change the way I think - I change everything else.
My life, my responsibility
I’ve always felt a strong sense of responsibility, even as a kid.
But the real awareness started when I entered university. That’s when I began reflecting on who I was - and more importantly, the type of person I wanted to be.
I found that I leaned toward a pessimistic mindset.
The glass-half-empty kind of girl.
People around me disagreed (“You? Pessimistic?”), but deep down, I just had a feeling. There was a constant stream of negative thoughts running in the background.
So I made the decision to not consider the negatives all the time.
I wanted to be someone who'd see the positives in every situation.
And from that day on, I started training my mind to choose optimism.
Small steps, big shifts
I realized you can train your brain.
You can change how you think and what you believe, if that is what you want.
That said, it’s easier when it only concerns the smaller things in life.
For example, I’ve struggled for years with self-image. I never quite measured up to my own (maybe ridiculously high) standard of beauty. I’ve tried ignoring it and pushing it down. I know, not the healthiest way of dealing with life.
So one year ago, I spoke to someone at my doctor’s office who gave me an actual exercise: a way to train my brain to think differently.
I knew it. I knew that would be the advice, and I knew all along it was exactly what I needed to do. Still, the thought of tackling a pattern that powerful felt so overwhelming, I kept putting it off.
But little by little, I’ve made progress.
In the later stage of my relationship, I felt a lack of affection and reassurance, which definitely triggered old insecurities. But this time, I didn’t spiral. Instead, I focused on what I could control.
I started working out.
I tried intermittent fasting.
I started showing up for me.
Yes, it started as a response to someone else.
But quickly, it became something I did for myself.
The guilt
A part of me felt guilty for taking care of myself.
When my partner needed me the most.
I don't know if it is an excuse, but I felt like I wouldn't be able to take care of him and our relationship, if I didn't "fill my own bucket".
What would become of him and our relationship, if I were to let myself drown in the negative spiral he was in?
It would consume us and I didn't want to let that happen. I felt like I needed to be strong, so that he could fall back on me when needed - looking back, I believe I achieved the opposite.
The chapter of Self-Love
Just so that we don't stray from the topic, your brain can be trained. It was confirmed to me by the book: "Solve for Happy" by Mo Gawdat - who has a very interesting take on the subject.
I trained my brain to think positive thoughts about myself and trust my worth. To this day, I still try, to change the negative thoughts - as intrusive as they may be.
At the time of my previous relationship, I don't think I valued myself enough to walk away. But now, he has given me the very best thing that could've happened to me:
Time for myself.
So, I am turning this journey into a chapter - maybe an entire book - filled with experiences, friends, family and love for me.
As Steven Bartlett (Diary of a CEO) said and wrote: "Confidence is based on the evidence you have in yourself. Beliefs are evidence based, whether it is correct or incorrect evidence. Therefore, the only way to build your confidence is to collect evidence."
And while I agree with him, I’ve also come to believe that you can improve your confidence by training your brain in a certain way, besides from creating evidence - but now that I am happy, single and traveling, I might as well try both.
