In the countries I’ve visited so far - yes, all two of them - I felt completely at ease. That feeling faded away once I arrived in the third: Indonesia.
Nepal
In Nepal, people were extremely polite. Sure, in Kathmandu’s busy streets, sellers tried to tempt you with their souvenirs - but who wouldn't? Only twice was I asked for a photo: once in a mountain village during a trek, and once at the crematoria near Pashupatinath Temple by two kind older ladies. How could we say no?
Most people just passed by, and out of respect for local culture, we wore long pants, skirts, and modest tops. In hindsight, my short shorts at the start of the trek probably weren’t the most respectful choice - and let me say: I would not let history repeat itself.
Still, nobody acted strange around us.
The Philippines
In the Philippines, the vibe was even more relaxed. Tourists wore swimwear on the streets, and revealing clothing was normalized - probably due to how common tourism is. The locals, who mostly dressed modestly, didn’t seem to care.
The only part that made me feel off was the “velcro” shopping tactic - staff would tail you from entrance to exit. You could turn it into a game of tag, but it was a bit intense.
Flirty tuk-tuk drivers aside, I felt free to be myself, lounging in shorts and skirts without a second thought.
Indonesia
Then came Indonesia - a completely different energy.
Even when dressed respectfully in long pants and tank tops, I felt like I stood out. Like everyone was watching.
The workshop
In Catholic Sumatra, I tried a wood carving workshop. My instructor was lovely, but his wife kept filming me - first secretly, then more openly, even asking her husband to get in on it, when we were both sanding our sculptures.
When I asked for the videos, she claimed she hadn’t recorded any. Later, when I mentioned social media, she miraculously found one to send me. That kind of dishonesty made me uncomfortable. I didn't mind the fact that I was being filmed, but you can just be honest about it, right?
The airport
In Padang, a man sitting beside me started taking selfies with me in the background. When I noticed, he apologetically smiled and then asked if he could take a photo with me. Even thought it felt a bit awkward, I agreed.
To this day, I’ve never said no to a photo. Maybe I don’t want to come across as rude or break someone’s confidence - but I don’t really know how to stop it from happening either.
Maybe I should start wearing a giant sun hat.
The streets of Java
When I arrived in Bandung, I expected a shift as I landed on a more touristic island - but it didn’t come.
That night, while heading to a restaurant, two guys on a scooter drove past shouting and filming. A few minutes later, they returned, still filming and laughing. They weren’t threatening in any way, but the vibe felt… off.
It made me question myself. Am I just paranoid? They didn’t say anything weird. Their words were friendly. So why didn’t it feel friendly?
Maybe it was because it was dark. Maybe that made me feel more anxious?
The film set
The next day, I ended up walking through a sectioned-off part of the street - apparently a film shoot. But instead of feeling curious, I felt like the attraction again. All eyes, apart from the crew, were on me.
Even thought I really wanted to be the tourist and have a quick look, I sped up, eager to get out of the spotlight.
Maybe people were just surprised to see someone walking - almost nobody walks in Indonesia. Even if the store’s a minute away, locals ride scooters. A guy in Bukit Lawang actually laughed while explaining that.
Solo vs. Non-Solo Travel
Is it because I’m traveling solo as a woman?
The French girl
On the bus to Bukittinggi, I met a French girl traveling with a German guy. She said I was brave for solo-traveling in Sumatra. She’d been warned by other women not to go alone - it could be intimidating, they said.
Later that day, she ran into me again. Her male friend wasn't able to go, so we explored together. She told me a group of kids had followed her for over half an hour, asking for money. And when she asked for help, the police officer shrugged it off. I had a similar encounter with the same kids - surrounding me and even when at first I didn't think off it, when they were circling me, it made me quite unsure.
The Swiss girls
In Yogyakarta, I met two Swiss girls who had contrasting experiences. They found Catholic regions more intrusive and Islamic ones more respectful.
But when one of them went out alone on the streets of Yogya, she was followed by a man on a scooter for over 30 minutes - all the way back to our hostel. She was shaken. So, she did fully understand my reasoning and figured it might correlate to women traveling solo; especially since it never happened with her friend by her side.
Reflective note
Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I’ve been influenced by others’ stories. Maybe I’m just tired.
But I don’t have anyone next to me to say, “You’re overreacting,” or “This is fine.” So at times, it’s hard to keep things in perspective.
I do think I need to build a wall - a mental one. Not to block out the world, but to filter out the unease and emotion that don’t serve me.
This trip has shown me that being a solo female traveler comes with more layers than I expected. Sometimes I’m a tourist. Sometimes, I feel like the main attraction. And sometimes, I just want to walk down a street without feeling watched.
But all of it - every odd encounter, every doubt - teaches me something. And I’ll take the lesson, even if I still don’t know quite what it means yet.
